Damara's lament
by randomnessUnicorn
Summary: This story was inspired by a Vocaloid Song called "Yoshiwara Lament". Everytime I listen to this song I think of Damara, I really love her, she's cool. It's an AU, humanstuck, so the characters are note trolls, they are humans. I am not english so sorry if you will find some grammar errors.


_"Edo is once again covered_  
_by a deep veil of darkness today.  
Facing the mirror, putting on lipstick  
Complying with, receiving everything."_

Another rainy day is beginning for me.  
Here, in the place where the darkness is the Lord of the light, where there is no happiness, no hope, and no future, I am fading, slowly and painfully. My freedom was stole, here, in these streets, full of thieves, and I give them shreds of myself.

_"The orange flower which shone_  
_I admired and desired.  
Before I knew it, I was a blue flower"_

How long has it been since those days have gone?  
The days where I was young, my heart was pure and my soul was white as the snow I have never seen. My innocence was still mine, I could see the future in front of me, but now it is vanishing. I do not know what life is anymore. The past will never came back again; it is gone with my dreams, my sanity and my desire to live. 

_"Even so, I'm not cheap."_

Now, my dreams are changed. The only dream I can aspire is satisfy some old twisted man, touching them with my lusty hands that are cold as ice, insensitive to love I have never meet. They are so mean with me; they never show me affection, pity or kindness, they only know how to make me fall, reminding me, how pitiful I am, offending me with every kind of insults. They will excite more and more if I cry and ask them for mercy. I would lie if I said that they do not like me. Yes, they need me; they cannot live without my dirty touch, my frenetic breath, my languid glance. I am perfect to them. However, they are not perfect to me; they want my body, not my spirit. I am their bitch, not their lover. I will always be the other woman, nothing more. A little sex toy, a lifeless plastic doll. This is what I have become. Nobody cares about bitch's feeling; nobody thinks that a bitch can being hurt.  
I have changed. Now I am a black bird, trapped in this rusty cage. A bird that does not know how to fly, maybe it has forgotten how to do it. Perhaps its destiny was to always be different from the other birds. This bird was not destined to fly away. They cut its wings.  
At least, I am expansive, not an ordinary prostitute. Maybe this should make me feel better, I guess…

_"What I really wanted was to bloom for one person_  
_Fate stole my freedom and carried on spinning its gears"_

I don't' remember the day when I lost my virginity, I do not even remember his name, his face or his voice. Nothing. The void fill my mind. The only things I can remind are the pain, the laments that covered his pleasure screams, the sound of the pieces of my broken heart that fell from my chest, little pieces of myself landed on the wet ground. I was too scared for completely realize what happened. They pay for this; they pay for see me falling apart. 

_"A love full of lies_  
_And then you buy me right?"_

I am just a lurid whore, who still hide a grain of hope in her wet heart.  
I would like to find true love. I would like to do all the fucking things true lovers do, I would like to realize the dreams I dreamed when I was a child. I would like to find my prince and finally live my fairy tale with a worthy happy ending. A bitch should not be a dreamer, these stuff are not going to happen. They are lies that feed my sufferance. Destiny can be so funny … maybe should I say sadistic? Yes, because now I have plenty of princes, but I do not know their names, ages, origins. They are not the gentlemen of the fairy tales. They are monsters who want only a thing: my body. The truth is so far from my desires.

_"The sad feelings drowning my heart like this_  
_Tonight on Yoshiwara falls the rain and mist"_

I have no hopes anymore.  
I have nobody that calls me darling.  
I have no future to aspire.  
I hold on to a past that will not come back again, because I hate the present I am living. 

_"If possible my dear, if for just one night"_  
_Yes, you could buy me sir, is that alright?_

This question kills me constantly.  
«Why? Why do you have to be so cruel to me? »  
I ask but nobody answers me.  
«Shut up, you ungrateful bitch! »  
«Use your mouth for better things then talk, suck my dick and shut your trap! »  
These are the only answers I get, but I do not really care, because I cannot feel the pain anymore. My tears are dry. I am like a desert now.

_"Silently I wonder, quietly I'm wishing_  
_As I'm in this birdcage, is someone listening?"_

The days passed by, and I am still here, alone, defeated and exhausted.  
The months seem eternities, like my eternal sorrow.  
My wet heart will never feel something different but coldness.  
Sometime I wonder if I am still human.  
Do I deserve it?  
Is this worth it? In my past life, I did something truly terrible to deserve this present.  
Am I paying my duties? I have to pay for my past sins.

_"Petals that blossom just out of sight_  
_And in my heart the rain's reflected in moonlight"_

Rain will not stop. It is not raining outside but inside of me. My soul is so soggy and I do not have an umbrella. I am still waiting for my saviour.

_"My dearest, flirt with me and share with me this bliss"_

The same lies.  
The same days.  
The same senseless words.  
The same people.  
The same angry smile.  
The same forced purr.  
The same fake me.

_"Sorrow-filled_  
_The flowers only wilt  
And my hope with them still...  
"Welcome, please enter"_

Another night is starting for me.  
The show must go on.  
I hope it will end soon.

I rise my face up, and I feel weird.  
There is something different in the air, or maybe it is me… did I drink so much?  
This man in front of me is odd. His gaze is gentle, not lascivious like the other perverts.  
Why does he look at me this way? Is he making fun of me?  
Why is he not insulting me? I am going crazy and nervous.

_"If possible my dear, if for just one night_  
_Yes, you could buy me sir, is that alright?"_

«Buy you? » he said, as if he did not came here for this reason.  
I stared at him, with a confused expression. The humiliations are never enough.  
« What do you want? » I said angrily, full of rage, trying not to cry.  
« I want to take you away from the hell this place is. Don't you remember me? » he said, I could see the optimism and sympathy in his eyes, those unknown emotions were so captivating. I looked into his deep hazel eyes, and I remembered.  
I remembered a young boy with whom I passed my lucky days. It was he. The man in front of me was that guy. The same smile. The same shine. The same smooth expression. He was that friend from the past. The only friend I have ever had, the only one who could understands me and makes me laugh. I remained silent, lost in my thought, and then he seemed embarrassed.  
« I am Rufioh. Once we were very close friends. Then – he looked down- someone took you away and I have never known where you were. I was worried about you. I… I thought you were dead… and…» My eyes widened for a second. I talked before him; he did not finish what he was saying.  
« I always hoped that they killed me that day, rather than live a life without joy of love. The only hope I had was the death, nothing more. However, I did not want to do it, because I am a cowardly, a stupid dreamer. A girl without future, faith, dignity and …» This time it was him to stop me, suddenly he hugged me. I felt his warm body; his hand patted my head so gently. My heart began to beat. I thought it was impossible, because it was just a blood pomp, an organ like the others. The feeling was great and positive, I have never felt so good before, when so many men before him have hugged me, but they have never been so nice and careful with me. Tears were beginning to roll on my cheek. I exploded in my sigh. I couldn't' answer him even if I would have wanted to.

« Don't be dumb, Damara. Don't say this stupid stuff anymore. The past is the past, this ugly life is your past now, because I am here to save you. I will be your future, if you want. I will never break apart your heart. I will never let you down. You have suffered enough. We can write a new chapter together. A new book if you prefer. Everything you want. Now that I found you I won't leave you, you will not escape from me so easily».  
He said, starting laughing so hard, it was so contagious that I finally smile, for the first time in my life, I feel free. The smile on my face was real, just like the dream I am going to live.

**_Now, the rain isn't falling anymore_**  
**_He brought the rainbow in my life._**  
**_He painted the colours in my grey sky._**


End file.
